Çýäñ†dé

i just simply renamed my journal yet again. of course a breakdown is going to be kaotic so why describe it. HA!...this is more suiting. anyhoo you all should've been changed over....i'm not some random stranger still me

-noel

this day seems to be the turning point of my life...Every friday im happy...and every other day im looking forward to Friday...I dont know why it's here and gone before I can even enjoy it. It also seems that each one Im tired exhausted and wore the fuck out....
so why look forward to it? I have no clue....it baffles even me and Im the one doing it.
/end rant

was bored last night

hrmmm...

i've been neglecting this. i lost my paid account *sniffs*

i'm alive. i'm sorry not enough time to write anything...will though soon.

i went to a viewing today. and from there i just sunk into a hole. lately i've been battling with death and dying. i've been staying awake sleeping horrible because this is all on my mind. i'm thinking that the only reason why is because i feel unaccomplished with my life. things just never went as i have planned. i try to be busy all the time to avoid it but it just follows me around. i screwed up so many times at work tonight because i'm just off. i dont know what to do. right now i feel like i could cry but i cant get any tears out. but i feel my spirit crying. i just dont know.....i'm scared. worried. upset. hurt.....a lot of things. and it all comes back to this topic.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality. Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine. You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion. You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

well. i need some help.


i want to update this journal layout but can't find any good styles to look at. cherry styles seems to be lacking on variety and quantity. anyone know of any sites i could check into?

also


without further patience. i'm going to proceed with my dream since i've been persuaded by another girl to do this crazy thing.

well. i'm going to do my photoshoot for suicidegirls.

what i need is a photographer who can take great pictures and i'm comfortable with sitting in the nude.

i need ideas on themes. colors i could wear. something inventive (granted i'm listing my own ideas but i always could use help)

umm and as always moral support is the best!

What type of Fae are you?

sometimes one just has to lay down the rules.

in order to keep their own sanity.


am i right?

happy halloween my lovies.

sorry i did nothing special this year a lot has been going on.

yesterday i had a headache that lasted from 3am on sunday to about 3 am today. it kept me in bed all day yesterday. nice huh?

so long children.


i don't think it's worth getting my insecurities up over a bunch of whiskey talks. and missed memories.


you all have issues with josh. then deal with them with him. dont come crying to me because he's calling you. dont come crying to me because he won't leave you alone. how am i supposed to fix your issue? fix it yourself. block the damn number! if i wanted to talk to you that bad I could call from another phone.



quit being so self centered and not realizing my week has been hell! you'rs is full of fucking spoiled rotten bullshit. i could crap on your sunshine and daisies.


but that's okay i'll make it easy. monkey no see, monkey do.

times 3.

you would rather lock him up than give him a chance to actually live a life a life hes trying to make normal. pathetic!

don't tell me you know him very well. he doesnt know himself that well. so fuck that line.

another, you don't run away from him when he's biting at you you stand there and face it and show him you arent going to put up with it. running away is what makes it worse.

you say he's an unfit father? HA! he'd be a great one if he didnt get so much shit. and could relax and not be so fucking wound tight.

you don't know what goes on here. you can ask anyone on chat that. he may tell you some shit, oh but it's the shit he wants you to hear.


for example. I quote DAWN on this "he's told his father he loves you twice as much as he loved kandi" and i quote him "i'm in love with you i love her but i'm not in love with her"

women, always reading into things wrong.

and when i said :that's nice: to your blurb about him calling you every night for the past few weeks or some shit like that. I said it because you were being a cunt and trying to play like he wants you back.

HA!


god dramatical whores.
if looks could kill...i'm sure you'd be dead by now.

the end.

i know i suck


but if you only knew


i suffered 5 days of nausea, vomitting, diaherra in order to rid myself of tonsilitis. nice eh?


oh let me not forget fever blisters....i have a picture somewhere of my lip i will show you. they have yet to go away fully.


i'm stable enough to sit up and walk around a bit but standing for more than 5 minutes and walking around for more than 2 minutes i get extremely winded and light headed. guess that comes from 3 of my sick days not being able to eat a thing. o.0


but yes i live.

sorry i lack anything better to say.
to make it even better last date i recalled was sept. 7th and here it is the 13th. yikes what worm hole was i in?
( my lip )

( lots of love behind this cut )

Check me out!

my horoscope ->

If someone pushes, push back -- at least hard enough to let them know that you
are not someone they can just walk over. Defend your territory in the face of
their aggressiveness.

now i love this look.

sorry was watching look for less and so want to recreate his looks or his vibe on my own...it looks so wonderful....and laid back...what you think?




he's got more.

!Marc Jacobs!

for all of you that talk to shaun a lot or had and never once told him why i couldnt write why i hadn't in over a month, what actually goes on in my life and probably told him i had all the time in the world.

thank you so much, no really, thank you so much for being a fucking idiot!

not only did you burn me, you burned a hole in a wonderful friendship, you burned a whole between us....and you burned a whole in the intricate weave of life.

fucking rot.

don't know who you are? well then...you are the idiot.

alright time out has been lifted anonymous posters may resume.

if anything is left to be said.



oh yeah...this happened last week



♥

it takes a real man to run off to someone else's journal to start shit talking someone behind their back.
it takes a real puss of a man to admit when he instigated everything that was brought to him from the 2 people he mentioned, one an innocent bystander.
it takes a real man to beat down a woman a girl with verbal attacks...
and it takes a real man to sit there and say that this girl has nothing better to do than sit on her fat ass all day and make his life miserable.
1 comment a day = one response to every fucked up thing that was said to me...you do the math...you use your logic,

if a ugly, handicapped, word twisting, instigating, child molesting fuck started to ridicule you because you are in love with their son (which he knows and was happy for only months ago) only because he wants to fuck with his son, would you or would you not as this girl stand up for yourself and not sit down and STFU as any guy would hope?

i'm sorry, i dont take shit from a 50 year old man who sits on his ass from a car injury and sucks up all the pity party that he can, when i can say i saw him walking around without the brace he was supposed to be wearing numerous times...

a notch on the shoulder he has, and a notch on mine i do not....but i can say this...id still wish you to rot mike....please do so and keep my name in any shape or form (real or insult or made up) from your lips, out of other people's journals, and out of your life, forever....you chose to get rid of your son you chose to get rid of me, so thank you so much for doing so now hold up your end of the bargain and leave anything that has to do with either fucking one of us ALONE!


remember kids just because something is in diapers and you feel it will not remember shit that happens to them, doesnt mean you are right....anything horrific is burned into their memory, and it will take a miracle to burn it back out.

thank goddess i am one of those working miracles that let's someone know no matter how much they fuck up with someone that person will still love them unconditionally....forever.